Holidays for me have always been a difficult time of the year.

It brings out my depression more than usual. It stresses me out. It makes me a hot mess.

It brings back painful memories of past Christmases and loved ones lost.

This year, I learned a few things…

1. I do not need to strive to make every happy.

2. In that,

I do not need to strive to make everything perfect.

I am me and I can only do me. I will do me and my family and if others care to join us, they can.

3. And because of the above,

I do not need to stress

. I can relax and enjoy my kids enjoying the holiday.

4.

A clean house is the last of my worries.

With working 2 days outside of the home at a part time job, being on call for said job 7 days a week, running a blog, getting a new blog started (in effort to make additional money for my family), care for 3 kids – one a toddler and one a child who needs extra attention, and attempt to clean a house faster than the kids mess it up again – it is not my biggest concern.

5.

It’s not the money spent on the gifts or the number of gifts – its what makes them happiest.

I have to admit, this year I went a little overboard and spent too much money; made sure they each had an equal number of gifts – and it was horrible not only wrapping, but then trying to find space to put it all!

I need to remember that fewer gifts that really are things my kids want are just as good if not better than a million mediocre gifts.

6.

It’s okay if I don’t get everything done.

The kids won’t notice so long as they are happy and we are making different memories.

This year, we didn’t see Santa. We just ran out of time, but the kids have not mentioned it once.

We didn’t send out cards (which we haven’t in awhile) and no one said anything.

We didn’t bake Christmas cookies, but they had other goodies.

We didn’t have a Christmas dinner, but they didn’t mind because we had brunch with grandpa, grandma and Auntie so it was still a time with family and present opening.

7. The biggest thing I learned is

staying in the moment with my kids and sharing the excitement and happiness that is Christmas.

The big kids have always loved Christmas and now that Baby Girl is old enough to understand the joys of getting gifts, it really was a great holiday.

Next year, I just need to revisit what I learned this year (and has taken me 9 years to figure out!)