I was going to do a post on divorce and share my opinion as well as a research paper I did for my last course at school, but then… well, I’m just not feeling it. I am a spontaneous blogger who tries to plan posts, but if I’m not feeling it – I don’t do it. So instead, I’m going to do D for Dad.

My dad passed away on May 20, 2011, from cirrhosis of the liver. And strange as it may be, I miss him. There are times I find myself planning something and then remember that he is no longer here. For example, we took the kids shopping the other day and got their picture taken with the Easter bunny. Usually, I would make two hard copies and mail one to my grandma and mail one to my dad. This year though, I don’t have to send one to my dad because he is not here.

I struggled all my life with my dad. He and my mom divorced when I was a year old and my mom remarried. My dad was an alcoholic – pure to the core – from his age of 16 until his death at 56. I would see him maybe one to two times a year (if I was lucky) and phone calls were sparse (and usually drunk). But the exception with my dad is that regardless of how drunk he was, he always tried to make sure I knew how much he loved me. And it sucks because it took me way too many years, therapy for myself, and his death to really admit this to myself. He could not control his disease. Drinking did supersede me, but that was not his fault. He did love me. He loved my kids (who he will never get to meet).

In my heart, I know that my dad loved me, that he still loves me and that he is watching over my kids and I. I love and miss you, dad…