I have been stuck on ‘J’ since the beginning of this challenge. Unlike my normal spontaneous self, I wrote out each of the letters for this challenge and put ideas for posts next to it the night before the challenge began (yeah, I’m slick like that). ‘J’ was one of a handful that I wasn’t sure what to write about.

A couple of days ago, the idea of justice came to mind. It was just a word. Nothing more.

Then, a couple nights ago, I was having a rough night and decided to do jealousy.

Let me start this out on a funny note – I am a very jealous person. I should have green eyes instead of blue! My jealousy stems from trust issues which stem from the worst ex on the planet (we all have one of those right!?) But this jealousy runs deeper. Hurts deeper.

My long term readers know that my dad was an alcoholic. (Heck, even if you’re new, I did a post about him for my
) He was an alcoholic my entire life and died on May 20, 2011. After going home (Arizona to Minnesota – driving with 2 kids, hubby and me) and then driving 4 hours from where my mom lives (and we were staying) up to his apartment (and of course the 4 hours drive back to my moms), I was able to gather some of his belongings and learn more about his disease.

He became an alcoholic at the age of 16. He attended rehab/treatment several times. (And this is where the jealousy part comes in.) A lot of his paperwork gave consent for

other

family members to have access to his treatment and what not.

Now, I am sure you are all going to tell me that he did it as a way to protect me, blah, blah, blah. But – I am his only child. Period. While I struggled with his disease for a long part of my life, I offered him my assistance and help many, many years ago. He never took me up on the offer to help. I told him I supported him in his sobriety. Yet, he did not include me in any part of his recovery.

Another

family member was a part of his recovery. Not me. And that is where the hurt and the jealousy come in. So today, in lieu of letter ‘J’, I share with you jealousy.