You may or may not have noticed that I have not been around much on the blog and I am very sorry for that. I have posted previously about the slump I have been in and unfortunately, I fear it has gotten worse. But, on the plus side, I now recognize what is going on and I am going to try very hard to pull myself up and out of it.
Over the last couple of weeks, I have started to notice more and more that my depression is creeping back in; hence the cause of my slump. Fortunately, I am aware of it and will now be taking proactive steps.
Along with my depression, my anxiety – oh my dear sweet anxiety how I have not missed you – is definitely coming back. The generalized anxiety is not bad. I’ve only had a few faulty thoughts, but the social anxiety? I can forsee this becoming a problem. I had school last weekend and at one point, I was scared to get out of the car to go to class. I have gotten to the point that I will not go in public alone. No bueno, but I am aware of it.
Once things get calmed down and have a semi normal routine at home, I will be seeking out my therapist again as the medication that generally helps me is not an option while I am pregnant.
On that note, I have hit the 16 week milestone. Yay me! I have not gone in for my check up for two reasons. (A) Our financial situation has been completely upside down for the past month. I’m not sure what happened or how it happened, but I am hoping by next week, we will be back upright on both feet. And (B) I have had to seek out a new OB. (Remind me later and I’ll share that story.) So, hopefully next week at the latest, I will be going in to get this baby checked out.
Which I entirely need to do because I have never been so paranoid in my life. I don’t know if its my anxiety or if I am just out of my mind, but I have never been so paranoid. I have gone through two successful, healthy pregnancies previously and never worried about miscarriage or the loss of the baby/pregnancy then, but now, I am a complete paranoid basket case.
I am constantly fearing the loss of this baby and I’m not even sure why, but I do. I fear that I’m going to have a miscarriage. I fear that I might go all this way in the pregnancy only to find out one day that the baby is no longer alive. I am petrified and I have no real reasoning besides the constant worry (which as I type I’m smacking myself in the head welcoming my anxiety back into my life).
All in all, I am a hot mess.
Not a great reason for being MIA, but it is what it is.
So, my promise to you is to drag my slap happy ass out of this slump and be more active in my blog because that is what I enjoy doing. So, again, I apologize for my absence, but I promise to be more active from here on out!